Depression is a funny animal. Well it actually fucking isn’t
but I’ve decided to be a glass half-full chap today! Ha! In actual fact,
depression is a sneaky, dirty, slimy snake. It creeps up on you most of the
time, and before you know it, you went from feeling quite contented and happy
to someone who can’t get out of bed because they see no clear reason to.
In fact, at last count, just over one million people commit
suicide annually world-wide. To give that a bit of context, that’s one person
topping themselves every 40 seconds. That’s not a typo people, one soul departs
the Earth every 40 seconds via their own hand! This same website also advised
that by 2020 that figure would climb dramatically to one suicide every 20
seconds (http://www.befrienders.org/suicide-statistics)
THE TIME TO ACT IS NOW PEOPLE!!!
Let’s pan back a bit and look at the statistics of
depression. Well of course we can only analyse the statistics of people that
actually admit to having depression in the first place. At last count, between
15-20% of people world-wide have advised their GP that they have had depression
at some point in their life. That means if you are in a crowd of about 100
people there is every chance that 20 of you have suffered (or are currently
suffering) from depression. That’s a stupidly high amount! What the fuck is
wrong with all of us?
Now I get that there are quite a range of different ways
that we can manifest depression. So what are the more common ones? Well, in
super news, I’ve done my research and have come up with five of the more
standard types, although please allow me writer’s prerogative when I give them
my own titles:
1) 'Anger Depression’ OR ‘Everyone Sucks
Depression’ OR ‘Depressed Alcoholic’.
2) 'The Happy Sell Depression’ OR ‘Fool Me Once Shame
On You, Fool Me Twice Shame On Me Depression’.
3) 'Time Machine Depression’ OR ‘The Present Isn’t
A Present Depression’.
4) 'Pit Depression’ OR ‘I Suck Depression’.
5) 'I Give Up Depression’ OR ‘I’m Getting Old
Depression’.
So let’s run through each one in more detail shall we?
'Anger Depression’ OR
‘Everyone Sucks Depression’
OR
‘Depressed Alcoholic’:
https://au.pinterest.com/explore/anger-issues/
A person with this type of depression is unlikely to say
they are depressed and instead will use phrases such as ‘I’m feeling a little
off today’ or ‘I’m just not in the mood to do anything’, or ‘I’m just not in
the groove’, or ‘I’m just not with it’, or ‘I don’t feel quite right’. If you
asked them straight up if they ever felt depressed they are almost definitely
going to say ‘No’. Instead, they will show predominant emotions of anger,
frustration, feeling overwhelmed, and stress. If they do acknowledge
depression, they will describe it as ‘Cyclical’. However, you need to be
careful with these people because the cycles can merge super-fast and, before
you know it, they are in a severe depression that they admit to and can’t find
a way out of. The downhill slide can be so rapid that, before you know it they
are a shell of their former selves, or they have already committed suicide, and
everyone that knew them looks back and can’t figure out what the fuck just
happened?
This type of depression also tends to have another unique
component – alcohol! That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, this is the classic
‘depressed alcoholic’ stereotype. The funny thing is that alcohol is actually
classed as a depressant on drug and alcohol websites world-wide. Huh! Go
figure! However, I can guarantee you that alcohol is an upper as well as a
downer. Some people drink to get an initial high. It also slows down that stupid
part of the brain that can be so damn ‘self-critical’, allowing people some
peace and quiet for a little while.
The other thing alcohol can do is reset people’s ‘Justice
Metres’. Not everyone has these so I need to quickly explain. These metres go
up and down depending on all the good and bad things that happen to us and to
those around us. When too many bad things happen close together the metre
spikes and a person will lose their shit momentarily – essentially this becomes
the required anger release necessary to allow the metre to drop back down
again. The initial high that these people get with alcohol allows for the metre
to cool significantly.
However, the length of time it stays that way is dependent
on a number of factors. If, during a person’s drinking, they are smashed with
bad shit happening to themselves and/or to others, alcohol can easily send the
Justice Metre into the red just as fast as it had previously dropped it. This is
never a good thing and has a tendency to make you an intolerable wanker from
that point forward – well until either you go to bed or pass out in a gutter somewhere.
What these people want from their drinking is to make
themselves, and the world, fuck off for a bit. Alcohol gives them a temporary
vacation from themselves and a brief holiday from all the bad shit that was
happening in the world. Have you ever wanted that? To take a holiday and leave
yourself behind? I actually do love myself but there are still those occasional
times where I would like to be anywhere else but with myself!
Alas, the alcohol is a catch-22, because it negatively impacts
on sleep, and can make the person a cranky-as-fuck human the next morning. I found
out that this was because they aren’t giving certain hormones the chance to
regenerate. The primary candidates are serotonin, dopamine and endorphins.
Stupid hormones!!
This type was also called the ‘Everyone Sucks Depression’
because the range of different emotions that accompanied the depression makes
life really challenging. As I stated above, a person with this type of
depression will struggle with anger and frustration; they will get overwhelmed
easily and suffer from high levels of stress on a day to day basis. This will
tend to drive them towards a dislike of the world and the people in it. This is
typically because they are struggling so much but see all these other people
that appear happy and successful and content. They will use phrases such as
‘Why can’t everything be equitable?’ OR ‘Why does it have to be so fucking hard
all the time?’ OR ‘Life is so unfair’ OR ‘Why can’t I have what they have?’
As you can see, a person with this type will suffer from a
wide range of emotions with anger top of the pile. Hence, the name ‘Anger
Depression’!
'The Happy Sell Depression’ OR
‘Fool Me Once
Shame On You, Fool Me Twice Shame On Me Depression’:
http://christiancounseling.guru/blog/2014/05/29/beyond-pharmaceuticals-christian-counseling-for-depression/
It turns out that our heart is a
pretty important organ. And this has shown itself to be the case with multiple
cultures over the centuries. For example, Chinese medicine considers the heart
to be the most important organ in the body so they give it the title of the
‘Emperor Organ’. Regardless of the culture, the heart is tasked with ensuring
that blood moves effectively through the body, and the heart needs to get good
blood to the brain to ensure we live and thrive; and the brain is vital for our
hormones, which help us regulate our emotions.
If we use Chinese medicine as our
example again, they consider the brain to be the spirit of the heart. The
Chinese called this spirit our ‘Shen’. It encompasses our memory,
consciousness, thinking, sleep, emotions, as well as our personal
characteristics. These include how strong our willpower is, as well as our
drive, determination, focus, concentration, self-belief, inspiration, courage,
and how we interact with others.
All of these factors can be
negatively impacted with this type of depression and a person suffering this
will have multiple issues across all the spectrums previously discussed. This
obviously makes a person with this depression difficult to identify because
there is so much happening on the surface that is masking the depression hidden
underneath. Fortunately there does tend to be three things that point to this
type – anxiety, insomnia and the ‘happy sell’.
Regardless, this type of
depression is the most difficult to identify because apart from what I
previously mentioned, this person has their game face on. And this face is what
I call ‘The Happy Sell’!
So what is this ‘Sell’? Well I
think it’s pretty obvious: they appear to be happy to everyone they meet. They
make us laugh. They refuse to take life seriously. They speak about the future.
They are the life of the party.
Nobody in the fucking world will
know they are depressed because nobody in the world will be allowed into their
inner sanctum of depression. As a result, if they commit suicide nobody saw it
coming – not one single person! To further complicate matters, if you were to
ask after them, they will use phrases like ‘I’m fine’ OR ‘Life is great’ OR ‘I
couldn’t be better’ OR ‘Everything is awesome’. Interestingly, however, they
will immediately move the conversation away from talking about them, and they
do it so effectively you won’t even realise its happened.
I had a friend with this type of
depression who committed suicide by hanging himself in a cupboard. It was one
of those free-standing cupboards which was about six foot high. Inside it there
was a horizontal bar at the top for hanging clothes and then a few drawers at
the bottom. All told there was about 4 feet of room from the bar to the
drawers. My mate was about 6 and a half foot tall and weighed about 110 kilo’s
(240 pound). He tied one of those physiotherapy resistance bands around the bar
and then he somehow managed to squeeze himself into this tiny space, close the
doors and then wrap the free end of the band around his neck like a noose. Then
he crouched down in that cramped space and gradually suffocated to death.
Nobody could find him for almost
a day. His car was at home; his wallet, phone and keys were at home; his bed
looked like it had been slept it. His flatmate figured he had gone for a walk
but his running shoes were in the garage. In the end, after he didn’t return
from the supposed walk his flatmate started phoning all his friends. Nobody
knew where he was. In the end, because he had searched every other nook and
cranny in the unit, he opened the cupboard. Fuck my life! I feel sick just
thinking about it!
I had seen my mate only two days
before. He was talking up the chances of the New Zealand All Blacks in the
rugby union world cup that was currently being held in New Zealand. He loved
his All Blacks and he appeared to love life. He was funny and lovable and would
do anything for you; and then, just like that, he was gone! I was so shocked
that he had killed himself that I didn’t believe it at first. I actually rang
his mobile phone. It went to his message bank and I left a message for him to
call me when he next had an opportunity. That obviously never happened!
This type of depression also requires
a lot of energy to sustain itself. Therefore, they are likely to use
stimulants/uppers/gambling to keep them away from depression, and to keep them
‘Up’. But, like the previous alcoholic depression, there is a catch because too
many stimulants will negatively impact on their sleep, hence the insomnia.
At the end of the day, these guys/gals
just want life to be fun. They want/need to be around lots of people all the
time. So if their life is lonely and quiet, and if existing just seems like too
much work then they will be happy enough to forfeit it.
They want peace, harmony, and fun
for everyone. Therefore they will struggle with people that lie, steal, and are
rude/selfish. Especially if it happens to them or to those they are close to.
Hence the ‘Fool Me Once Shame On You, Fool Me Twice Shame On Me’! This is
because they tend to think the best of everyone so they are a target to be
taken advantage of: more than once unfortunately! And because of this they can
get very resentful of the world, which is counter to their typical love of
everyone and everything. This leads to a vicious cycle of love/hate for others,
and by default, themselves.
‘Time
Machine Depression’ OR
‘The Present Isn’t A Present Depression’:
https://au.pinterest.com/babsallen/cartoons-for-kids/?lp=true
A person with this type of
depression has felt they have lost their way in the world; in particular, in
the present world. There are a variety of reasons for why this has happened,
which we will discuss shortly, but their depression revolves around spending
too much time in the past and/or the future.
When we are all healthy, we live
in the present, and we are relatively happy and contented here. That’s why it’s
called a ‘present’! It’s a gift from whoever/whatever/however the world was
created. Breaking away from the present can leave us not just reflective, but
also worried, pensive, and broody in our daily lives. We have lost the whole
point of the present being a ‘gift!’
People with this type of
depression didn’t just end up there overnight. This depression tends to
manifest in certain individuals who love to feel valued and important. They
want to help solve the world’s problems, of which they recognise there are
many; and they want to solve these problems one at a time. To do this they like
to be in very small groups, where they act as a type of counsellor. They help
guide the person/people on a journey of self-realisation, thereby ensuring that
they come to their own conclusions about their problems. Then, with the current
dilemma sorted, they go hunting for the next one.
For these individuals, life also
has to be fair, because this is what helps ensure balance, harmony and
even-flow. But life isn’t fair, and so these people will go hunting for
situations where they can help to get that balance back. But this can take its
toll, especially if they don’t feel valued for their help. Over time this can
lead to someone either trying harder, or pulling back/retreating from the
world, and the people in it. And this is when the depression kicks in.
By trying harder, they can come
across as needy, pushy, meddlesome, over protective, over bearing, and
obsessive. As a result, the people around them tend to pull away, and this
effectively takes them away from the thing they like doing best – helping to
solve other people’s problems. They become alienated from the world and the
people in it!
Alternatively, they try less and
become unmotivated, stuck, melancholic, lethargic, vague, obsequious, and
servile. But this retraction from the world can also result in them craving
sympathy from others, to a point where they may manufacture signs and symptoms,
even diseases, in order to receive more compassion.
By losing that sense of self that
came from helping solve the world’s problems, they will start to spend time in
the past or the future; to the point where they would be the first person to
buy a time machine if/when they become available on the market.
They spend time in the past for
two reasons – to fondly reflect on the ‘better times’, or to revisit bad things
that have happened to them (and others) and wishing they could go back and
change them. Neither of these situations is ideal and it results in depression.
Spending time in the future also
tends to manifest in two ways – they obsessively look forward to something good
that is coming up. This typically leaves them feeling flat and depressed
because the thing they were so looking forward to didn’t end up as good as they
had anticipated; or, it was good, but it came and went too quickly.
Alternatively, they worry
uncontrollably about something that is yet to come thereby getting into a real
panic pre-event. This tends to have them withdraw further from the world
leading to significant depression and loneliness.
By spending too much time away
from their daily activities that they so enjoyed, they get disconnected from
those around them, and this is what creates the depression. The present is no
longer a ‘present/gift’.
‘Pit Depression’ OR
‘I Suck Depression’:
Finally we reach a depression
that can be spotted a mile away. This is a depression that is distinct because
the patient knows about it and the likelihood is that the people around them
will also know about it. That is typically because you can see it in the way
they wander like a zombie through their days. There is a distinct possibility
that they will also talk about their depression with you; and it’s likely it
will be referred to by them as ‘Their’ depression.
This is severe
grief/sadness/depression; what I call ‘Pit Depression’. They are down deep in a
giant hole or pit and they know what it is but they don’t know how they got
there or how to get out.
Interestingly, they are still
likely to continue living their life exactly the way they have been. But it
won’t generate any sort of joy or contentment for them. They just do what they
have always done because they don’t know what else to do. They don’t know what
to change in order to feel better about themselves. Plus they have no energy to
do that anyway.
Everything is hard! Getting out
of bed in the morning is hard! Making breakfast is hard! Leaving the house to
go to work is an almost impossible task which leaves them feeling even more
fatigued than they were when they first woke up. The work day is hard but
usually tolerable as long as it’s the same thing every day. Unusual events or
changes to their work schedule is almost more than they can bear. Even the trip
home is hard because they are about to be alone with their thoughts and that is
usually worse than anything else in their life. So obviously their evening
routine at home is hard! Yet there is a part of them that doesn’t want to be
around others and so home is an oxymoron.
In all likelihood they have
suicidal thoughts, and may have planned out their demise. Typically this type
of person is very thorough and particular about things so this is also the case
with their planned suicide.
Fortunately for them, they have
no energy to actually follow through with their planned demise, so they just
continue to live their life, one day at a time, in their depression waiting for
the moment when it will all be over.
They are likely to lay the blame
for their slide into the ‘Pit’ squarely at their own feet. Whereas with other
types of depression the blame is placed on other people, or the world, or the
guy who created it; anyone, everyone, but not you. Not these people though.
They hate themselves and everything about their lives.
In all likelihood they have
reached a point where absolutely nothing makes them feel good. They also don’t
look forward to anything anymore, and when prompted to think back to a time
when they were happy, they will likely turn acidic and beat on themselves even
more. They don’t want to think about a time when they were happy because to do
so shows up their own failings as a human being.
‘I Give
Up Depression’ OR
‘I’m Getting Old Depression’:
http://www.faysflounderings.com/2013/10/24/the-advantages-of-being-forgetful/
This type of depression is almost
an emotional after-thought. It comes as a direct result of the breakdown of the
driving forces in our lives. These are our willpower, drive, determination,
enthusiasm, courage, intelligence, and initiative. When these forces aren’t constantly
stimulated we can ‘give up’ on life.
This type of depression will hurt
some people more than others and they are typically the ones who had an
inexhaustible supply of those driving forces, and for whatever reason, they are
no longer available to them. To have something that is so powerful in the palms
of your hands, and then to lose it – well it’s too much for some people to
bear.
This is also the typical
depression that impacts on people as they get older. We really should expect to
lose some of our cognitive function as we age; that’s just the way life goes. But
some people take it much harder than others. Contrary to popular belief,
suicide isn’t exclusive to young people. In fact, the rate of suicides are
highest (for all age groups) for those over 65 years of age (https://ourworldindata.org/suicide/).
High achievers that have thrived
because of these driving forces can also slump into this depression if they
lose their willpower, drive, determination, enthusiasm, courage, intelligence, and
initiative.
A person that feels they are
slipping into this depression will tend to head in one of two directions. One
group will fight with everything they have; the other will throw their hands in
the air and give up.
The group that fights will be up
against it though because the stuff they need to fight with is the stuff they
don’t have anymore. As a result they can become extremely critical, cynical,
blunt, sarcastic, pessimistic, tactless, and rash. Plus they become quite
forgetful, which as you can imagine makes them even more frustrated.
Interestingly, this forgetfulness
can make them quite suspicious and cagey around others, because they are
concerned that they are being taking advantage of. Even worse, they can become
convinced that they did certain things in the day when they actually didn’t.
This can make for quite lively debates with others. Add to that a vague but
non-specific feeling of dread and foreboding and you can see why they can
become quite depressed.
The group that give up will lock themselves
away from the world. They won’t attempt anything challenging because they know
they will fail plus they are easily discouraged anyway. They are likely to be
dull, stupid, dim witted, and forgetful. They may feel abandoned by those they
were once close to, but in all likelihood, they did that to themselves. This may
have come about because they have become quite suspicious of everyone and
everything. Add to that a vague but non-specific feeling of dread and
foreboding and you can see why they can become quite depressed.
So to summarise, there are so many diverse people on the
planet who live their lives in different ways. Therefore the depression people
suffer from is also going to be different. I may have listed five types here
but there are possibly going to be others. Further, there is no reason why a
person suffering from depression can’t in fact suffer from a number of the ones
I have discussed above.
If you feel that you are suffering from one (or a selection)
of these depressions then please seek help. As it turns out, there are plenty
of legitimate, and very helpful therapies out there for people that suffer from
depression.
It often takes just one event to help bring us back from the
brink. It can often be something so random, obscure, or unexpected. Sometimes it
doesn’t appear that way at the time, but on reflection you realise just how
relevant it ended up being. If this blog post is that thing for you and you
seek help then I have done my job.
Please don’t ignore depression for even one more week; not
even one day! Stop reading and do something about it. Where does one start you
may be asking? Well there are a range of different options available.
The obvious ones are:
* Counsellors, Psychologists, Psychiatrists – you can
usually get a mental health plan from a GP which dramatically reduces the cost
of these options – Medicare pays for some of the fee.
* Natural medicine options – these can include,
but are not limited to, acupuncture and herbs.
* Western medicine options – including cognitive
behavioural therapy, behaviour therapy, psychotherapy, even anti-depressants
(these are all outside my scope of experience but they do work for some people).
I’ve no doubt forgotten some particularly obvious ones but
at least I have given you a start point.
My plan is to also start up a ‘Busted, Broken, Beautiful’
group where we can get together and share our experiences. I want to be able to
regularly post relevant items onto the group’s page as well for those that can’t
attend the group gatherings.
You may think that I am just a guy writing an interesting (I
bloody hope it was interesting!) piece on depression, but actually has no real
experience with it. Well I can assure you that this is definitely not the case.
I have suffered from depression on and off over the years and I was suicidal on
a number of occasions. I managed to come back from the brink, and trust me when
I say this – if I could do it then anyone can do it!
Please pass this post onto anyone that you feel might benefit
from it. If even one person is helped because of what I have written then it
was worth every second it took to write.
Lastly, if any of you feel compelled to reply I would be
honoured.
Love and light to you all
David Hartmann
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