Depression – How Can It Manifest So Differently?

Depression is a funny animal. Well it actually fucking isn’t but I’ve decided to be a glass half-full chap today! Ha! In actual fact, depression is a sneaky, dirty, slimy snake. It creeps up on you most of the time, and before you know it, you went from feeling quite contented and happy to someone who can’t get out of bed because they see no clear reason to.

In fact, at last count, just over one million people commit suicide annually world-wide. To give that a bit of context, that’s one person topping themselves every 40 seconds. That’s not a typo people, one soul departs the Earth every 40 seconds via their own hand! This same website also advised that by 2020 that figure would climb dramatically to one suicide every 20 seconds (http://www.befrienders.org/suicide-statistics)

THE TIME TO ACT IS NOW PEOPLE!!!

Let’s pan back a bit and look at the statistics of depression. Well of course we can only analyse the statistics of people that actually admit to having depression in the first place. At last count, between 15-20% of people world-wide have advised their GP that they have had depression at some point in their life. That means if you are in a crowd of about 100 people there is every chance that 20 of you have suffered (or are currently suffering) from depression. That’s a stupidly high amount! What the fuck is wrong with all of us?

Now I get that there are quite a range of different ways that we can manifest depression. So what are the more common ones? Well, in super news, I’ve done my research and have come up with five of the more standard types, although please allow me writer’s prerogative when I give them my own titles:

1) 'Anger Depression’ OR ‘Everyone Sucks Depression’ OR ‘Depressed Alcoholic’.

2) 'The Happy Sell Depression’ OR ‘Fool Me Once Shame On You, Fool Me Twice Shame On Me Depression’.

3) 'Time Machine Depression’ OR ‘The Present Isn’t A Present Depression’.

4) 'Pit Depression’ OR ‘I Suck Depression’.

5) 'I Give Up Depression’ OR ‘I’m Getting Old Depression’.

So let’s run through each one in more detail shall we?

'Anger Depression’ OR 

‘Everyone Sucks Depression’ OR 

‘Depressed Alcoholic’:

https://au.pinterest.com/explore/anger-issues/

A person with this type of depression is unlikely to say they are depressed and instead will use phrases such as ‘I’m feeling a little off today’ or ‘I’m just not in the mood to do anything’, or ‘I’m just not in the groove’, or ‘I’m just not with it’, or ‘I don’t feel quite right’. If you asked them straight up if they ever felt depressed they are almost definitely going to say ‘No’. Instead, they will show predominant emotions of anger, frustration, feeling overwhelmed, and stress. If they do acknowledge depression, they will describe it as ‘Cyclical’. However, you need to be careful with these people because the cycles can merge super-fast and, before you know it, they are in a severe depression that they admit to and can’t find a way out of. The downhill slide can be so rapid that, before you know it they are a shell of their former selves, or they have already committed suicide, and everyone that knew them looks back and can’t figure out what the fuck just happened?

This type of depression also tends to have another unique component – alcohol! That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, this is the classic ‘depressed alcoholic’ stereotype. The funny thing is that alcohol is actually classed as a depressant on drug and alcohol websites world-wide. Huh! Go figure! However, I can guarantee you that alcohol is an upper as well as a downer. Some people drink to get an initial high. It also slows down that stupid part of the brain that can be so damn ‘self-critical’, allowing people some peace and quiet for a little while.

The other thing alcohol can do is reset people’s ‘Justice Metres’. Not everyone has these so I need to quickly explain. These metres go up and down depending on all the good and bad things that happen to us and to those around us. When too many bad things happen close together the metre spikes and a person will lose their shit momentarily – essentially this becomes the required anger release necessary to allow the metre to drop back down again. The initial high that these people get with alcohol allows for the metre to cool significantly.

However, the length of time it stays that way is dependent on a number of factors. If, during a person’s drinking, they are smashed with bad shit happening to themselves and/or to others, alcohol can easily send the Justice Metre into the red just as fast as it had previously dropped it. This is never a good thing and has a tendency to make you an intolerable wanker from that point forward – well until either you go to bed or pass out in a gutter somewhere.

What these people want from their drinking is to make themselves, and the world, fuck off for a bit. Alcohol gives them a temporary vacation from themselves and a brief holiday from all the bad shit that was happening in the world. Have you ever wanted that? To take a holiday and leave yourself behind? I actually do love myself but there are still those occasional times where I would like to be anywhere else but with myself!

Alas, the alcohol is a catch-22, because it negatively impacts on sleep, and can make the person a cranky-as-fuck human the next morning. I found out that this was because they aren’t giving certain hormones the chance to regenerate. The primary candidates are serotonin, dopamine and endorphins. Stupid hormones!!

This type was also called the ‘Everyone Sucks Depression’ because the range of different emotions that accompanied the depression makes life really challenging. As I stated above, a person with this type of depression will struggle with anger and frustration; they will get overwhelmed easily and suffer from high levels of stress on a day to day basis. This will tend to drive them towards a dislike of the world and the people in it. This is typically because they are struggling so much but see all these other people that appear happy and successful and content. They will use phrases such as ‘Why can’t everything be equitable?’ OR ‘Why does it have to be so fucking hard all the time?’ OR ‘Life is so unfair’ OR ‘Why can’t I have what they have?’

As you can see, a person with this type will suffer from a wide range of emotions with anger top of the pile. Hence, the name ‘Anger Depression’!

'The Happy Sell Depression’ OR 

‘Fool Me Once Shame On You, Fool Me Twice Shame On Me Depression’:

http://christiancounseling.guru/blog/2014/05/29/beyond-pharmaceuticals-christian-counseling-for-depression/

It turns out that our heart is a pretty important organ. And this has shown itself to be the case with multiple cultures over the centuries. For example, Chinese medicine considers the heart to be the most important organ in the body so they give it the title of the ‘Emperor Organ’. Regardless of the culture, the heart is tasked with ensuring that blood moves effectively through the body, and the heart needs to get good blood to the brain to ensure we live and thrive; and the brain is vital for our hormones, which help us regulate our emotions.

If we use Chinese medicine as our example again, they consider the brain to be the spirit of the heart. The Chinese called this spirit our ‘Shen’. It encompasses our memory, consciousness, thinking, sleep, emotions, as well as our personal characteristics. These include how strong our willpower is, as well as our drive, determination, focus, concentration, self-belief, inspiration, courage, and how we interact with others.

All of these factors can be negatively impacted with this type of depression and a person suffering this will have multiple issues across all the spectrums previously discussed. This obviously makes a person with this depression difficult to identify because there is so much happening on the surface that is masking the depression hidden underneath. Fortunately there does tend to be three things that point to this type – anxiety, insomnia and the ‘happy sell’.

Regardless, this type of depression is the most difficult to identify because apart from what I previously mentioned, this person has their game face on. And this face is what I call ‘The Happy Sell’!

So what is this ‘Sell’? Well I think it’s pretty obvious: they appear to be happy to everyone they meet. They make us laugh. They refuse to take life seriously. They speak about the future. They are the life of the party.

Nobody in the fucking world will know they are depressed because nobody in the world will be allowed into their inner sanctum of depression. As a result, if they commit suicide nobody saw it coming – not one single person! To further complicate matters, if you were to ask after them, they will use phrases like ‘I’m fine’ OR ‘Life is great’ OR ‘I couldn’t be better’ OR ‘Everything is awesome’. Interestingly, however, they will immediately move the conversation away from talking about them, and they do it so effectively you won’t even realise its happened.

I had a friend with this type of depression who committed suicide by hanging himself in a cupboard. It was one of those free-standing cupboards which was about six foot high. Inside it there was a horizontal bar at the top for hanging clothes and then a few drawers at the bottom. All told there was about 4 feet of room from the bar to the drawers. My mate was about 6 and a half foot tall and weighed about 110 kilo’s (240 pound). He tied one of those physiotherapy resistance bands around the bar and then he somehow managed to squeeze himself into this tiny space, close the doors and then wrap the free end of the band around his neck like a noose. Then he crouched down in that cramped space and gradually suffocated to death.

Nobody could find him for almost a day. His car was at home; his wallet, phone and keys were at home; his bed looked like it had been slept it. His flatmate figured he had gone for a walk but his running shoes were in the garage. In the end, after he didn’t return from the supposed walk his flatmate started phoning all his friends. Nobody knew where he was. In the end, because he had searched every other nook and cranny in the unit, he opened the cupboard. Fuck my life! I feel sick just thinking about it!

I had seen my mate only two days before. He was talking up the chances of the New Zealand All Blacks in the rugby union world cup that was currently being held in New Zealand. He loved his All Blacks and he appeared to love life. He was funny and lovable and would do anything for you; and then, just like that, he was gone! I was so shocked that he had killed himself that I didn’t believe it at first. I actually rang his mobile phone. It went to his message bank and I left a message for him to call me when he next had an opportunity. That obviously never happened!

This type of depression also requires a lot of energy to sustain itself. Therefore, they are likely to use stimulants/uppers/gambling to keep them away from depression, and to keep them ‘Up’. But, like the previous alcoholic depression, there is a catch because too many stimulants will negatively impact on their sleep, hence the insomnia.

At the end of the day, these guys/gals just want life to be fun. They want/need to be around lots of people all the time. So if their life is lonely and quiet, and if existing just seems like too much work then they will be happy enough to forfeit it.

They want peace, harmony, and fun for everyone. Therefore they will struggle with people that lie, steal, and are rude/selfish. Especially if it happens to them or to those they are close to. Hence the ‘Fool Me Once Shame On You, Fool Me Twice Shame On Me’! This is because they tend to think the best of everyone so they are a target to be taken advantage of: more than once unfortunately! And because of this they can get very resentful of the world, which is counter to their typical love of everyone and everything. This leads to a vicious cycle of love/hate for others, and by default, themselves.

‘Time Machine Depression’ OR 

‘The Present Isn’t A Present Depression’:

https://au.pinterest.com/babsallen/cartoons-for-kids/?lp=true

A person with this type of depression has felt they have lost their way in the world; in particular, in the present world. There are a variety of reasons for why this has happened, which we will discuss shortly, but their depression revolves around spending too much time in the past and/or the future.

When we are all healthy, we live in the present, and we are relatively happy and contented here. That’s why it’s called a ‘present’! It’s a gift from whoever/whatever/however the world was created. Breaking away from the present can leave us not just reflective, but also worried, pensive, and broody in our daily lives. We have lost the whole point of the present being a ‘gift!’

People with this type of depression didn’t just end up there overnight. This depression tends to manifest in certain individuals who love to feel valued and important. They want to help solve the world’s problems, of which they recognise there are many; and they want to solve these problems one at a time. To do this they like to be in very small groups, where they act as a type of counsellor. They help guide the person/people on a journey of self-realisation, thereby ensuring that they come to their own conclusions about their problems. Then, with the current dilemma sorted, they go hunting for the next one.

For these individuals, life also has to be fair, because this is what helps ensure balance, harmony and even-flow. But life isn’t fair, and so these people will go hunting for situations where they can help to get that balance back. But this can take its toll, especially if they don’t feel valued for their help. Over time this can lead to someone either trying harder, or pulling back/retreating from the world, and the people in it. And this is when the depression kicks in.

By trying harder, they can come across as needy, pushy, meddlesome, over protective, over bearing, and obsessive. As a result, the people around them tend to pull away, and this effectively takes them away from the thing they like doing best – helping to solve other people’s problems. They become alienated from the world and the people in it!

Alternatively, they try less and become unmotivated, stuck, melancholic, lethargic, vague, obsequious, and servile. But this retraction from the world can also result in them craving sympathy from others, to a point where they may manufacture signs and symptoms, even diseases, in order to receive more compassion.

By losing that sense of self that came from helping solve the world’s problems, they will start to spend time in the past or the future; to the point where they would be the first person to buy a time machine if/when they become available on the market.

They spend time in the past for two reasons – to fondly reflect on the ‘better times’, or to revisit bad things that have happened to them (and others) and wishing they could go back and change them. Neither of these situations is ideal and it results in depression.

Spending time in the future also tends to manifest in two ways – they obsessively look forward to something good that is coming up. This typically leaves them feeling flat and depressed because the thing they were so looking forward to didn’t end up as good as they had anticipated; or, it was good, but it came and went too quickly.

Alternatively, they worry uncontrollably about something that is yet to come thereby getting into a real panic pre-event. This tends to have them withdraw further from the world leading to significant depression and loneliness.

By spending too much time away from their daily activities that they so enjoyed, they get disconnected from those around them, and this is what creates the depression. The present is no longer a ‘present/gift’.

‘Pit Depression’ OR 

‘I Suck Depression’:

https://au.pinterest.com/pin/511299363915632369/

Finally we reach a depression that can be spotted a mile away. This is a depression that is distinct because the patient knows about it and the likelihood is that the people around them will also know about it. That is typically because you can see it in the way they wander like a zombie through their days. There is a distinct possibility that they will also talk about their depression with you; and it’s likely it will be referred to by them as ‘Their’ depression.

This is severe grief/sadness/depression; what I call ‘Pit Depression’. They are down deep in a giant hole or pit and they know what it is but they don’t know how they got there or how to get out.

Interestingly, they are still likely to continue living their life exactly the way they have been. But it won’t generate any sort of joy or contentment for them. They just do what they have always done because they don’t know what else to do. They don’t know what to change in order to feel better about themselves. Plus they have no energy to do that anyway.

Everything is hard! Getting out of bed in the morning is hard! Making breakfast is hard! Leaving the house to go to work is an almost impossible task which leaves them feeling even more fatigued than they were when they first woke up. The work day is hard but usually tolerable as long as it’s the same thing every day. Unusual events or changes to their work schedule is almost more than they can bear. Even the trip home is hard because they are about to be alone with their thoughts and that is usually worse than anything else in their life. So obviously their evening routine at home is hard! Yet there is a part of them that doesn’t want to be around others and so home is an oxymoron.

In all likelihood they have suicidal thoughts, and may have planned out their demise. Typically this type of person is very thorough and particular about things so this is also the case with their planned suicide.

Fortunately for them, they have no energy to actually follow through with their planned demise, so they just continue to live their life, one day at a time, in their depression waiting for the moment when it will all be over.

They are likely to lay the blame for their slide into the ‘Pit’ squarely at their own feet. Whereas with other types of depression the blame is placed on other people, or the world, or the guy who created it; anyone, everyone, but not you. Not these people though. They hate themselves and everything about their lives.

In all likelihood they have reached a point where absolutely nothing makes them feel good. They also don’t look forward to anything anymore, and when prompted to think back to a time when they were happy, they will likely turn acidic and beat on themselves even more. They don’t want to think about a time when they were happy because to do so shows up their own failings as a human being.

‘I Give Up Depression’ OR 

‘I’m Getting Old Depression’:

http://www.faysflounderings.com/2013/10/24/the-advantages-of-being-forgetful/

This type of depression is almost an emotional after-thought. It comes as a direct result of the breakdown of the driving forces in our lives. These are our willpower, drive, determination, enthusiasm, courage, intelligence, and initiative. When these forces aren’t constantly stimulated we can ‘give up’ on life.

This type of depression will hurt some people more than others and they are typically the ones who had an inexhaustible supply of those driving forces, and for whatever reason, they are no longer available to them. To have something that is so powerful in the palms of your hands, and then to lose it – well it’s too much for some people to bear.

This is also the typical depression that impacts on people as they get older. We really should expect to lose some of our cognitive function as we age; that’s just the way life goes. But some people take it much harder than others. Contrary to popular belief, suicide isn’t exclusive to young people. In fact, the rate of suicides are highest (for all age groups) for those over 65 years of age (https://ourworldindata.org/suicide/).

High achievers that have thrived because of these driving forces can also slump into this depression if they lose their willpower, drive, determination, enthusiasm, courage, intelligence, and initiative.

A person that feels they are slipping into this depression will tend to head in one of two directions. One group will fight with everything they have; the other will throw their hands in the air and give up.

The group that fights will be up against it though because the stuff they need to fight with is the stuff they don’t have anymore. As a result they can become extremely critical, cynical, blunt, sarcastic, pessimistic, tactless, and rash. Plus they become quite forgetful, which as you can imagine makes them even more frustrated.

Interestingly, this forgetfulness can make them quite suspicious and cagey around others, because they are concerned that they are being taking advantage of. Even worse, they can become convinced that they did certain things in the day when they actually didn’t. This can make for quite lively debates with others. Add to that a vague but non-specific feeling of dread and foreboding and you can see why they can become quite depressed.

The group that give up will lock themselves away from the world. They won’t attempt anything challenging because they know they will fail plus they are easily discouraged anyway. They are likely to be dull, stupid, dim witted, and forgetful. They may feel abandoned by those they were once close to, but in all likelihood, they did that to themselves. This may have come about because they have become quite suspicious of everyone and everything. Add to that a vague but non-specific feeling of dread and foreboding and you can see why they can become quite depressed.

So to summarise, there are so many diverse people on the planet who live their lives in different ways. Therefore the depression people suffer from is also going to be different. I may have listed five types here but there are possibly going to be others. Further, there is no reason why a person suffering from depression can’t in fact suffer from a number of the ones I have discussed above.

If you feel that you are suffering from one (or a selection) of these depressions then please seek help. As it turns out, there are plenty of legitimate, and very helpful therapies out there for people that suffer from depression.

It often takes just one event to help bring us back from the brink. It can often be something so random, obscure, or unexpected. Sometimes it doesn’t appear that way at the time, but on reflection you realise just how relevant it ended up being. If this blog post is that thing for you and you seek help then I have done my job.

Please don’t ignore depression for even one more week; not even one day! Stop reading and do something about it. Where does one start you may be asking? Well there are a range of different options available.

The obvious ones are:

*  Counsellors, Psychologists, Psychiatrists – you can usually get a mental health plan from a GP which dramatically reduces the cost of these options – Medicare pays for some of the fee.

*   Natural medicine options – these can include, but are not limited to, acupuncture and herbs.

* Western medicine options – including cognitive behavioural therapy, behaviour therapy, psychotherapy, even anti-depressants (these are all outside my scope of experience but they do work for some people).

www.beyondblue.org.au

www.blackdoginstitute.org.au

www.mantherapy.org.au

I’ve no doubt forgotten some particularly obvious ones but at least I have given you a start point.

My plan is to also start up a ‘Busted, Broken, Beautiful’ group where we can get together and share our experiences. I want to be able to regularly post relevant items onto the group’s page as well for those that can’t attend the group gatherings.

You may think that I am just a guy writing an interesting (I bloody hope it was interesting!) piece on depression, but actually has no real experience with it. Well I can assure you that this is definitely not the case. I have suffered from depression on and off over the years and I was suicidal on a number of occasions. I managed to come back from the brink, and trust me when I say this – if I could do it then anyone can do it!

Please pass this post onto anyone that you feel might benefit from it. If even one person is helped because of what I have written then it was worth every second it took to write.

Lastly, if any of you feel compelled to reply I would be honoured.

Love and light to you all

David Hartmann

Depression - The Silent Killer!

Just last month in early May I was lucky enough to be an invited speaker for the Australian Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine Association conference (AACMAC) in Brisbane, Australia. I had two presentations - one on depression (this one) and one on point combinations (I will post that presentation in coming weeks).

Because of the controversy that my previous post generated I felt this was the obvious next post. The PDF for the presentation can be found on the slideshare link below:

https://www.slideshare.net/DieselDave8/depression-2017

There are 87 slides and, where relevant, I will add some extra content below. This is specifically a post on how acupuncture can treat depression. It doesn't go into detail in any other areas such as Western treatments and I don't philosophise. I hope you enjoy the read:

Slide 2 - it is vitally important to adhere to this advice. You might think you can help someone with depression by treating them quickly and aggressively but you seriously need to think long and hard about this. The last thing you want is to build their energy too quickly and they suddenly have the energy to follow through with their suicidal thoughts/threats. Slow and steady is the best approach when treating depression – in my humble view anyway.

Slide 12 – in case you knew the Wu Shen by a different name, these are the Five Spirits, namely Hun, Shen, Yi, Po, and Zhi. Each of these is discussed in a little more detail throughout the remainder of the slides.

Slide 19 – is the first time I have highlighted a sentence. This will continue to occur throughout the rest of the presentation. They aren’t necessarily statements that are more important than the rest of the content. I tend to highlight components of my presentations to remind me of what to target when I am speaking. This is especially the case when I have a lot of slides and minimal time to get the information across to the participants.

Slide 36 – Kidney depression can also be the diagnosis if there is a family/ancestral history of depression. This is typically diagnosed as Kidney Jing Xu. Alternatively, you might consider it a Chong Mai issue (see slides 46-47).

Slide 69 – when determining which of the Sun Si Miao Ghost Points to use I have two strategies. One is using a point locator machine and the other is using Tui Na.

Point locators are fickle things (typically). The trick with them is to get the setting/frequency right for your patient at that exact moment in time. My point locator has a dial with 1-10 on it. I move the dial to find the right frequency. To do this I find a point that isn’t too active (avoid hands and feet) such as Qu Chi (LI 11) and then I turn the dial. I want to establish a baseline which is the midpoint between the machine squealing at me when I barely touch the skin, and the locator making no noise at all no matter how hard I press it onto the point. Once I have my baseline for Qu Chi (LI 11) I take my point locator to other areas of the body and see if the baseline holds at other points and other areas. I may have to tweak it ever so slightly but I usually get my baseline. I then write the baseline number onto the patient file in case I want to do the process again in coming treatments (it is worth noting that it’s almost never the same number again, but it is often fairly close; It just helps speed up the process next time, and also makes for an interesting clinical research experiment).

So I now have my baseline and the next step is to visit each of the Sun Si Miao Ghost Points one after the other (I draw up a table). I am looking for three things:

1)      The point locator making the expected baseline noise. I put a dash next to the point because they are balanced.

2)      The point locator making a very high pitched squealing noise. I put a tick next to the point because they are Shi (excess).

3)      The point locator making minimal/no noise. I put a cross next to the point because they are Xu (deficient).

If I have diagnosed my patient as Xu then I needle all the points with a cross next to them. Alternatively, if they were diagnosed as Shi then I needle all the points with the tick next to them. If the patient has been diagnosed as Shi on Xu, then I make a judgement call as to the best points to use based on what I believe is best for them at that moment in time.

Tui Na can also be a bit tricky for Sun Si Miao Ghost Points. Establishing a baseline with painful pressure is problematic when points are located over so many varied body parts, not all of them in nice bulky muscles. Regardless, this is still key if you plan to use Tui Na as your method to establish which points you need to use.

Therefore, similar to the point locator, establish a baseline by getting a ‘hurts good’ pain response on a point. Qu Chi (LI 11) works well again for this. ‘Hurts Good’ pain is the most amount of pain that a patient can tolerate before they complain that you are pressing too hard. Once you have your baseline from Qu Chi (LI 11) then press a variety of different spots around the body to confirm your baseline.

Then you do exactly the same thing as you would with the point locator. I draw a table and then look for three things when I press each of the points:

1)      Tui Na establishes the expected baseline of ‘Hurts Good’. I put a dash next to the point because they are balanced.

2)      Tui Na elicits a distinct pain response from the patient. I put a tick next to the point because they are Shi (excess).

3)      Tui Na elicits minimal/no pain response from the patient. They comment that they can barely feel you pressing the point. I put a cross next to the point because they are Xu (deficient).

If I have diagnosed my patient as Xu then I needle all the points with a cross next to them. Alternatively, if they were diagnosed as Shi then I needle all the points with the tick next to them. If the patient has been diagnosed as Shi on Xu, then I make a judgement call as to the best points to use based on what I believe is best for them at that moment in time.

Slide 75 – while she was asleep that night she dreamt of her demon. Typically whenever she dreamt of her demon (day or night) she would have a panic attack or suffer significant anxiety. This time however she didn’t feel either of these. Further, she was actually dreaming about being back in her childhood house, which would typically produce its own anxiety, phobias and depression, but this didn’t happen either.

So she was in her scary house and she wasn’t scared. She knew her demon was in the house and she wasn’t scared. She normally would have run screaming from the house but instead she went looking for the demon. She heard it coming from her old bedroom. She opened the door to the bedroom without fear. The demon didn’t jump out at her. She looked around the room and heard that it was in the cupboard. She walked up to the cupboard without any concern and when she opened the door the demon launched itself at her. This was the first time she had ever seen the demon in all her years of life. It had always been more an opaque entity. The demon had razor sharp teeth and fur all over its short body. When the demon lunged at her she still wasn’t scared. It knocked her onto her back and started biting everything it could get to. But the bites felt like someone banging a pillow against her skin. So she casually grabbed at the demon around the neck and picked it up. Finding a conveniently located bag in the corner of the room she stuffed the demon into it and then zipped it up (the bag, not the demon). She then planned to walk to the nearest church and drop it at the front steps but she woke up before she got there.

Personally I think that it was good for her to have woken before getting the demon to the church. In a sense it would have been offloading responsibility if she left it at the church. She needed to have done it all herself, which is what ultimately happened when she woke. To date she hasn’t had her demon back and it’s been nearly 9 months. That is the longest she has ever gone without it being in her life. She also doesn’t actually feel like it will come back so she is living her life without the fear, anxiety, depression and anger that it used to instil in her.

There is plenty more I could analyse but I think that's enough. If you have any questions about any of the slides please let me know.

Love and light to you all

David Hartmann